Im missing you

I call you on the phone
simply to hear your breath.
This time apart feels more and more
like a long, slow lingering death.
You are with my spirit.
It's the presence that keeps me whole
and memories flow constantly
holding me warm wherever I go.
Yet there is no substance,
no reality I can touch
no way to put my feelings on pause
from missing and loving you so much.
No hugs, no kisses
only too long, lonely nights
to close my eyes and dream of you
the only pleasure in sight.
The pain and sadness...
when will it be through?
I know it'll get worse
until I get home to you.

Shisha

Yesterday was really fun luh, went to shisha with cliques.Eddy uber noisy but funny luh.He & his rubbish was really entertaining,whole night laughing none stop.But suddenly i received a long waiting sms from someone whom broke my heart tons of time.Yes im trying so hard to forget about you,thinking all your lies that linger around me & so i can be pissed off with you.Though days without you have gone, but the pain seems to be like forever.I wont denied that i really miss you alot.But what more can i do? The hardest pain is not about the leaving of your existence,is the pain that me myself couldn't bear to let go.About your case,i really hope nothing will happen to you,& i know life have been really hard for you but i hope you will learn and grow from this mistake.Thou i can't help much,but i will still be there for you when you need me.heh

Okay back to the main,i think shisha is damn disgusting eh,we had peach & grape .. thou this two fav suppose to taste good, but i swear with shisha is like ding ding dang luh.HAHA, our topic was like sex appeal through out the night.&&& ya, like what the fuck okay, i almost forget about this. there is this @%$!$@&*%@$ angmo touch my waist bodoh, i thought it was eddy luh, almost turn with a slap to him HAHAHA. But fuck man, eddy say i no sex appeal. This is where the topic started. nabei BODOH.After shisha we head down to boatquay, went to 12 element to drink. we had tower and stupid games like true or dare. Not to mention the details of the game (: but i swear damn paiseh only.saw alot people ytd luhhhh. what a stupid saturday night & a bodoh sunday morning. fuckkkkkk i very tired man, but still need to head to Raffles hospital to see my little Tan RuiXin (: my brother baby girl . she so small bodoh, can put her inside my bag. okay enough of all those bodohness, i think kiegan you influence me too much bodoh! heh.

Takegoodcareofyourself.imissyouDTDH.

Fake it all.

Enough of hurting me? i think im enough of being hurt by you.Thanks & goodbye. featured somemore featured more. I deleted you away so i wont see you anymore.I fake it once i fake it twice, but you're still something that lingers in my mind.why you have so many never ending lies? All i need is you to be truth, thou is hurting but don't worry im aready used to it.



Lechelle need a guy whom can carry her around<3

Little did i realised.

kns, why you um chio? heh

Woke up like 6.30 in the morning today.uber early luh .. early bird heh. Another day is gone, im still all alone. what more can i do? Is okay, as time goes by, i wont linger anymore.Hope you're fine. Was doing exercise the whole morning, then realised yuan was like online around 9am? we meet up with xiao lin around noon at plaza.smoke smoke chill chill eat eat.after that company her to NUH for her check up. poor girl, her chin was like falling off i guess! heh, fighting eh? no luh silly her never take good care of herself & got herself in shit like this. hoi! sleep more smoke less bodoh!. you this ang kong siao, dont put my heartogram hor i will kill you, bo pang chance one. =D Im like half way dying, so tired. guess will be sleeping early.Life is so bored, no school no job no money. whatever heh..i need to find something to do luh.&&&&& my goddamn heartogram is peeling off, so itchy & pain. Kailongtong virgo guys like you still suck to the core. heh. handsome is a no way for you! Im so looking forward for my 18thbirthday luh. make it quick quick. by the time i guess i've move on. tired tired! Goodnight readers! xoxo

Goodbye

Can someone tell me why & what i've done wrong? What i know is everyone is leaving me. fuck. yesterday my Dad ask me down for a talk, he said that im no longer the girl whom will share her things and spent time with her family.He asked me alot of questions, why must i restrict myself being close to the family, like why must i always lock myself up in a small tiny room when i know my mum is downstairs waiting for my company.Im so sorry, i just couldn't bring myself up to her to share my feelings and what is really happening to me. Nobody can really understand the pain im having every single sec that really is killing me suicide. Now the pain is not about the leaving of Deon anymore,is all the fact which i have been hiding all along.Daddy told me 3 more week to my upcoming 18. Is time for me to think and have some spare thoughts for those whom really concern about me. I was indeed shock, he did remembered my birthday.He told me to choose the path which i want to lead, he will give me all the freedom, maybe after spoken all the words he wanted to say. He might never wanna to talk to me anymore.I couldn't control anymore, tears just flow within my control. Like i told myself, i will never want to cry for anyone again.But this time im crying for myself.I wasted to much time in useless things. Like in a relationship, when i really want to settle down & devote to one, but when i know he wont be mine forever, i will rather change everything of myself in order to keep him by my side.As long his happy i don't mind. But from what i can see now, he don't borthered & i guess he had move on with his life. Question back to myself, crying wont make him come back, but why am i still crying? Is it because i did not get what i want from him. cliques told me is useless & worthless. well guess i have to to move on.Goodbye to all those sillyness which dwell in me. Buddy told me (pengxiang) '' what is not yours will never be yours.soon or later you will get use to it,is a matter of time''.Well thanks to those whom really care for me. Iloveyou! Cindy i promise you i will move on as time goes by.To keep myself occupied, i need a job, i need my friends. & i need love & care. (: geee.

Deep & meaningless

Again, im back blogging.but this time i don't know how long can this last again.heh (: I haven't been having a good sleep these few days. Everynight is a heartbreaking night, the only way to get to sleep is shed my tears to bed.Now i realised everything is over.The lies i have been trying to see inbetween is so obvious now,am i really such a worthless gf to you? From the start till now i wont denied that my love for you is truth,but what i know is yours isn't truth for me.All along i have to find ways to deceive myself that what is happening is not truth, we will last. I will change for you, but i have my bads, im not a perfect person, you can ask much but what i can give is within my control. cliques & sisters are always my best listener, i know you guys will be there for me.Im really glad to have Cindy & Jessica back in my life, they have gone through what im having now, but they are so much stronger then me i guess.Other then to cry anytime anywhere, i really dont know how to express myself. Is so unglam to tears outside, but i have no choice, the pain is unbearable. I didnt know i could be hurt like this. Im no longer the strong one which i use to be. I admit i have fun & flirt around when im young, but now when i think is time to devote to one, things turn out to be the different ways.. well whatever, everything seems to be so meaningless now. Deep inside my heart i still have a place for you.Sorry for not being your idea girlfriend,now no matter how many heartbreaking replies from you i will accept and move on. I dont want to ask for much, as long you feel happier without my existence i will try not to linger within your side. Thanks for those 3 months memories. I still miss your uber cute double eyelid. I miss you alot. Now i left with nothing but the question why.

I really love you so hard,why must you fool me so bad.