051108

I beg down on my knees. thou is useless
you're gone forever.
i wanted to hold u back so much, but i know i dont fit to be the one anymore
you gave me tons of chances
but i did not mark to your extend
im a bad girlfriend
yes,
i won't disturb you anymore
i wont want to interupt your life,
thanks for everything & almost everything little thing


I finally understand,
treasure it before is gone for sure.


goodbye to all -
all good things come to an end
i deserve all this
no i blamn no one,


Le is such a bitch.

Nothing could hurts, nothing kills

LE's is fucking pissed.
She miss those good old times.
She hate misses, the never ending lingers,the afraids, and being lonely.
Nobody fucking owns a living for anyone.
Hence, so do I
Remember those smiles?
Fake or Real, so be it
The hidden mystery, the forever ache.
But i still believe better in time
Life is pathectic
No aim , no goals, no nothing
Pointless
They know nothing about me
They assume they know me thou
Im one whom is so unique to be describe
IN WORDS
So shut all the gaps,


enough, i had enough of misery
looking for labels
not for love.


fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. it
no, i ain't emo
I just want to turn my words into screamo


I am me
Myself &
iiiiiiiiiiiiiii




Hearts all - over the world tonight

Me you us

Was feeling so bad the previous night
I couldn't sleep in peace
My worries ,my thoughts kills everything
I'm so tired, like everything.
Including living, i don't know why
I'm aimless, so pointless, im losing out
God, show me the way, im lost

Was walking so aimlessly just now,maybe hoping to find a way out
I had a puff,
Irritating strangers looking at me
I walk away from the crowd
I called buddy,
he pick my call
I'm sad
he lend me his ears
he told me what actually create a men mindset

&&, I'm so hungry, didn't ate anything since last night
Not even my fav mac spicy
I hold on to the hunger, till i reach my fave stall

Couldn't wait for sissy arrived,as i was dying from pain ( gastric)
Soon sissy arrived,
Oh, did i mention Jessica was there?
Yes, she came over for my sake, hence she walked out from her ex.

like, they argue and got into conflicts.
meaningless like so? &*^$#F@!

Boys, they are always stupid thinking in ways( No offences)
hah, like who cares? admit it. ^^

Cliques, they are like planning to go Genting
should i go along?
But the most urged was to go Thailand with my loves.
Batam? did i spell wrongly? is also another consider

I need a break,
$$$$$
money please start rolling in


Bszy,got beaten up by some drunken MOFOS ( motherfucker)
so aching i swear upon
I companied him back home,
He was driving, like so much in pain
I couldn't help much

Please heal him, take the pain away.
His my precious

LJYC they are something that last forever
(lynn Jessica Yuanie Caah)
xoxo-

Another heartbreaking

Why can you carry suicide so lightly. everytime you mention, my heart tore into pieces.
I can choose not to care, but my concern you take it for granted. Once & twice, is never a ending
You told me you understand, but i doubt so
My tears don't leak for granted, they roll for a reason, a reason for you.
I never like crying
If i was the one hurt you so badly,
How can i be the one to make you happy again
i struggle inbetween, maybe im too selfish
Im afraid you might leave me for sure, afraid that you will find a better one.
Im sorry, im not perfect

But

Loving somebody is to let them own happiness
I can't give you
maybe someone else

If death can solve everything

why am i still lingering in this fucking world

i choose to live my life to the fullest,& why can you


People out there stuggling for a breath,strive hard for life.


I did tried to suicide, thats was one year ago. No one knows

end up i hold myself back,at the very edge i was breaking down i almost fall.


But i remember, everyone only have one life, one love, one chance


hope you can


I cant move on whereby all these had just happened like yesterday.
Lullaby didn't bring me to dreams.

the tears, they just roll without control, i couldn't hold them back.


please, i begging for no more misery

i want to be happy.


dont rush me, dont ask me. times will tell you everything.


Rememeber friends are forever, please treasure your cliques

A heartache

My bad, my lies, my unfaithful
He lost his trust in me
The faith is gone
We both deceiving each other real hard
What have changes can never be replaced
The conflict inbetween is not over
How are we suppose to move on
I need heart, to tell me all the truth
A ear to listen my sorrows
A mouth to scold me straight at my face
Why relationship is so confusing
We can make it simple
If time waits for no men
will you still be the one waiting
what im afraid, is you gone forever
I need a break
I need a life
I need to face all the problems myself again
Im so afraid
Im all alone again
I'll never smile,
never smile from my heart again
be happy or sad, you will always be on my mind

You are a gem which has never been polish, i didn't know you could shine so well

I tried to control you from rolling, but you made my eyes so sour. My heartache seems to goes
along with you. tears, i beg you don't roll down, unless the sun goes down.




I'll learn to grow, i'll learn to be honest
I'll learn the pain in hard ways

be happy, all i wanted is you to be happy


I'll be waiting. no matter how
words are cheap, but not mine.

I believe no matter what, we will be together again.


time prove everything.
i believe.

live your life to the fullest, this is all i wish

15 april

Finally & everything is over

No more siting waiting wishing

Im happy now ^^

For my-bszy

The first time i met you was at the car, you were the driver which drove us to town and had our movie. we didnt had any eye contact,neither any conversation.

The second time was at bukitbatok, i was having gastric & so much in pain, i saw you ride past with your friend.

The third time was at bukitgombak 371 i was having my supper. you was with tao hin, his bike couldnt start, and this gave me a chance to take a look at you clearly.After that you ride off, i was walking home,& that particular turn, the very first time you said goodbye to me, and a sms came to offers to send me home.

slowly as times goes by, we sms, we had fun, & we met up.

Remember you came over with wenjun to accompany me down to yuan's buddy 18th birthday,sissy roston was with us. we head our way to meet jessica for a puff, and off to changi.

On the way, there is this guy whom trying to find trouble with you,at that moment i was afraid, what you told me is ''hold on to me tight''. And you speed all the way to shoo him off. At that point of time i felt so released the fear is gone,holding onto you, is like i wanted to captured that moment, this is like so forever.

Remember i ask you to the beach, because i want to spend some private time with you, i wanted to know more about you. But my first impression of you, you dont speak much,& the urged to know more about you.

We sat on the bench, airoplanes above us, the sea, the stars and that unique you.Not more then a sentence of conversation,all i heard was your heartbeat. our very first hug.

The next day you text me ,asking me to be your girl. im so confused, is this a infactuation or im really in love.

I accept, but i regert. im so rush in giving you an answer that i never really think about it.

We broke, i told you i need time, you got sad. and im guilty.Im afraid you wont contact me anymore.

You still keep me in contact and ramdomly ask me to be your girl. but at that point i couldn't gave you all my heart,my only love and my faithfulness.

To be truth, i couldn't gave up the one which i used to own,used to love and used to give up. anything, including pride i dont mind.

But as times goes by, you slowly change my mindset, you gave me a feeling which i never felt before, the love the care the ultimate concern which no ones ever gave me before, im so happy, and im so glad to have you in my life. But there is still this unfaithful in me which i cant forget my past. Im still hoping a better.

My dear Benjamin,his so nice, he gave me surprise he gave me love which no one ever gave me before. Im such a lucky girl.

He make to the point to send me to sch every morning after his midnight shift. His uber tired but because he love me, for me anything his willing.

He told me im the first girl he ever gave in.

He told me he will treat me good(:

I believed. He bring me to places which i always wanted.Like LCK, which i mention, is love.But deep down inside my heart, there is still something that lingers, but i choose to kept it there,still hoping for a betterIm so selfish. *******************************************************************************

05.11.08-

The date we are officially together.Everything was still so perfect

We had so much fun

The very first time i went to your house.Im so afraid, i dont know why. partly i was the first girl you brought home

But remember when im so afraid to face your parents, we sat below your block waitingyour dad to be asleep.hoping the light will be off asap

Like finally,out of surprise i saw your mum,and she was really friendly.

Now i met almost everyone in your family

They are so nice

Everything still goes well

But the only thing,it was my fault it lies on me

Now what we are, we are far from, we know it ourselfI dont wish to mention those ugly pain moments

Im hoping for a better,a change , a new start , a new us.
hereby,will you be my last& forever, will your accept me for who am igiving me the respect all i ever wanted? & the freedom shouldn't be control fromthe start.The trust which u lost in me, i want it back & i promised. Not to mention the past anymore, as this need to let go,inorder for us to move onif only you willing too

Hence this is the only way to stop this never-ending pain.


will

you?

will you?

can you really?

All i ever wanted was to see you smiling all i ever wanted was the happy you and me
I admit all my wrongdoings,i seek for a chance,this is last i ever wanted
No more never-ending pain, i want you, the very first you
promised me, we will be more than happy
will you?

If i had to choose between loving you & breathingI will choose breathing

I would use my last breath to say I love you.

=/

yesterday i got sissy & caah company me down to delfi orchard. A last min noticed which i got exam to take, hella. Was suppose to have movie with love and his friends,but i couldn't make it & so he cancelled for my sake. & yes we had a tiff. whatever, i dont wish to mention, give and take,i mark my words. i took 25 mins to finsh my 50 mcq question. && yes ofcourse i did not even borther to study.,think im gonna fail.


I need a job badly.
Im so broke.
^^


Im still siting waiting wishing.

Photoshoots-

Oh let the pictures do the blogging-

Remember their faces in the previous photoshoot post? they are so much confidence in ways now. xoxo.
p.s- pardon the second pictures of the post hah^^

Siting,waiting,wishing.

Now I was sitting waiting wishing That you believed in superstitions Then maybe you'd see the signs But Lord knows that this world is cruel And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a foolLearning loving somebody don't make them love you Must I always be waiting waiting on you?Must I always be playing playing your fool?I sing ya songs I dance a dance I gave ya friends all a chancePutting up with them wasn't worth never having youAnd maybe you been through this before But its my first timeSo please ignore The next few lines cause they're directed at youI cant always be waiting waiting on you I cant always be playing playing your foolI keep playing your partBut its not my scene Wont this plot not twist?I've had enough mystery.Keep building me up, then shooting me down Well im already downJust wait a minuteJust sitting waitingJust wait a minuteJust sitting waiting Well if I was in your position Id put down all my ammunition I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long But Lord knows that I'm not youAnd If I was I wouldn't be so cruel Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to doMust I always be waiting waiting on you?Must I always be playing playing your fool? No I cant always be waiting waiting on youI cant always be playing playing your fool, foool.